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* A buyer is looking for the perfect State to live in...
As he goes from State to State he would go into the Real Estate office and ask to call for Heavenly advice. Each agent pointed to the Gold phone in the corner with these words on the phone...Heavenly Advice 10,000 dollars per minute.
Then the buyer came into TUX's Office and over to the Gold Phone, The sign said, Heavenly Advice 35 cents. The buyer asked TUX how can this be???? Tux told them, Yes it's right, from TUX's Office..(207Realty.com) IT'S A LOCAL CALL!! Don't believe me..go to www.207Realty.com and see for yourself!!
(*This joke was edited to protect the innocent)
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Call Mrs Tux on her Car Phone !
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Your From Maine IF...
1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2."Vacation" means going to Bangor for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4. You know several people who have hit moose more than once.
5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
6. You use a down comforter in the summer.
7. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet ofsnow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave them both unlocked.
10. You think of the major food groups as moose meat, beer, fish, and berries.
11. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
12. There are 4 empty cars running in the parking lot at the convenience store at any given time.
13. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
15. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.
16. You know all 4 seasons: almost wintah, wintah, still wintah and construction.
17. You actually understand these jokes
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Here's a New Englander's Temperature Conversion Chart which relates
temperatures in Fahrenheit to various human behaviors:
60 above: New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
People in New England plant gardens.
50 above: Californians shiver uncontrollably.
People in New England sunbathe.
40 above: Italian & English cars won't start.
People in New England drive with the windows down.
32 above: Distilled water freezes.
Moosehead Lake's water gets thicker.
20 above: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool
hats.
People in New England throw on a flannel shirt.
15 above: New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in New England have the last cookout before it gets
cold.
0 degrees: People in Miami all die.
New Englanders close the windows.
10 below: Californians fly away to Mexico.
People in New England get out their winter coats.
25 below: Hollywood disintegrates.
The Girl Scouts in New England are selling cookies door to
door.
40 below: Washington DC runs out of hot air.
People in New England let the dogs sleep indoors.
100 below: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
New Englanders get frustrated because they can't start the
"kah".
460 below: ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin
scale).
People in New England start saying..."Cold 'nuff for
ya?"
500 below: Hell freezes over.
The Red Sox win the World Series.
UPDATE: 10/2004 WOW, I knew we had a COLD 2004 WINTER...and it looks like, HELL FROZE OVER. Here in Maine Life Goes On!! UPDATE:Hey it happened again a COLD COLD Winter in Maine Again in 2007!!!
THANK YOU RED-SOX!!
THE IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE
A philosophy professor stood before his class with some
items on the table in front of him. When the class began,
wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise
jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2" in
diameter.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed
that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles,
of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They
agreed it was.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into
the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students
responded with a unanimous "Yes."
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the
table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the
jar - effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I
want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The rocks are the important things - your family, your
partner, your health, your children - things that if
everything else was lost and only they remained, your life
would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter - like your
job, your house, your car.
The sand is everything else. The small stuff."
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued
"there is no room
for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
you will never have room for the things that are important
to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to
your happiness. Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out
dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the
house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.
Take care of the rocks first - the things that really
matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the
beer represented.
The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to
show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of
beers."
(The Author...Obviously some DRUNK Professor, who has his HEART in the right place)
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No other Agents EVEN Stack up!!!
Tux's 3 letter designations , =TUX, LOL,BRB,Mom,Dad,Mrs,ONE,TLF,GTG...more to follow...BBL |
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